I want a body like hers!

I swear I've never been obsessed with celebrities' bodies. Even as a teen I was never desirous of looking like "her" or having a body like "her". But I'd be lying if I said I didn't fantasize about having a body like Serena's.

I mean, honestly! She is the only celebrity I've seen that proudly flaunts thick thighs. I spend a good 5 minutes after every work-out flexing my legs hoping that one day they magically look like Serena's. I can give up on the big booty thing though. Unless God wants to surprise me with some junk in the truck, I'm stuck with No Assitol syndrome. But whatev. I'm over that.

This 5K training is killing me. My breathing is finally up to par. But now my shins and feet act like they don't know how to work. They'll have to fall off before I quit though. Pushing myself physically hurts like hell but it's exhilarating. It's like a drug. A high. An obsession.


(photo source)

Miami and Puerto Rico...

I've got a Superbowl beauty event that I was just invited to. I HAVE to go.

That Man just invited me to Puerto Rico next month. I ________ go.

Why does life have to be so complicated?

Gifts and Two Months Time

A reader once asked me if I could tell her where I got the little book of quotes from.

"What quotes?" I asked her.

"The quotes that you post on Twitter. Some of them are so inspiring and I would love to pass them on to friends."

"Oh," I replied. "Those don't come from a book. I just come up with them."

"No way....." she says.

The little quotes that I tweet often come to me without warning. I don't sit around and ponder about what inspiring words I could say to others. These thoughts flow from my head to my fingertips. It really is that simple.

I am loving 2010 because now more than ever I am realizing that I need to recognize my gifts and use them effectively. Sheer observance of this sends me back to a chair in Border's Bookstore. Back when I was unemployed and depressed. Faithful but stressed. Every morning I would wake up at 7am. I  had nowhere to go but I would put on business attire and head to the bookstore to look for jobs. I would read the dictionary. Read Black literature. I would cry in the bathroom and read my Bible afterward. I felt so low. I felt worthless. Like a loser. With no direction.

God is funny, I tell you. I spent all of that time trying to figure out where I should go. What I would do. And what talent of mine would take me there.  It was with me the entire time. My gift. Writing. It was there and I didn't know it.

Now I know. And I wake up every morning inspired and motivated to write. I write something every day. It's like breathing. Like praying. Like working out. I can't NOT do it.

I am so grateful for faith. Even when I am down...I'm not there for long.

I have two months. Two months to find a new place to live. Two months to find a job. Two months to jump start my career. I suppose I am already doing the latter but it's not in the area that I want to be. I have two months to make it happen.

Two months to train and run a 5K.
Two months to pack up my apartment and move elsewhere.
Two months to revamp my resume, build a professional media kit and apply to jobs.
Two months to network.
Two months to make sacrifices.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. Or afraid. I wish I had my Mom around. I wish my closest friends were closer. I wish I had more money. And more time. I wish I had a man to help me move out of my place. To support me. To work-out with me and to help me.

But I don't. And despite that, I don't feel alone. God has got my back.

So....*deep breath*

Here goes!

Entering hustle mode...

That money thang can sho get a sista down. If and when I let it, though.

I cried over money woes a lot when I was in college. A LOT! Times were hard and I never wanted to ask my parents for money. Even though they had it. I would literally struggle like mad because I thought I was such a grown-up and wanted to be on my own. I have sense learned that being too proud is not a good thing. Sometimes people really want to help you and blocking that is blocking a blessing. I hit rock bottom before I learned that lesson.

I have so many business expenses right now. I used to complain about it a lot. But what you reap, you sow, right? I need a business loan. But I won't go that far. Yet.

I am now in hustle mode and prepping up for Clumps the business, a huge move, conferences and only God knows what else. My funds are tapped out but I'm going to make this happen by having a little faith and being extremely destitute for the next few months. That means no traveling. No buying things I don't need. No eating out---not that I do that a lot anyway.

....I don't know how I'm going to survive without traveling. The thought of being at home EVERY weekend depresses me. But I suppose it will give me the opportunity to really clean up, maximize my weekend work-out/runs. I may even spend a few dollars on a used bike and ride it on the weekends.

So I'm really trying HARD not to stress about this "low money" thang. I'm going to do what I can and hope I have enough to do what I really need to do.

Here we go....

The best in me....

Something happened when I was in Photoshop playing around with the above photo. I was listening to Marvin Sapp's "The Best in Me" and tears started streaming down my face. That song does something to me. I have always felt so misunderstood. Even now. No one understands my fire. My drive. My vision. My passion.

"Oh Brit likes to write,"

That's what folx would say if you asked them. But it is so much more than that. I can't even explain it. Maybe it's not meant to be explained. Maybe it can only be shown.

I'm alone but I'm not lonely. It's true. I'm a social butterfly but lately all I want to do is spend time with me. The occasional hang out with a girlfriend is fine but I thoroughly enjoy being by myself. I don't miss anyone. I don't live near family. I don't have a significant other. I'm alone but I'm not lonely. I don't know how to explain that either but I'm grateful for this. I am 25 and I get to focus on me. Worry about me. This is my time. I am so blessed. Some people don't get this time.

God has really been moving in my life. In such a powerful way. It's almost overwhelming. I'm learning from my devotional books and attempting to stay prayerful and faithful during the week after Sunday services.

"He saw the best...."

People hate Clumps of Mascara's new layout. They don't see my vision. They don't understand where I'm going. They think I'm crazy for getting rid of a hot pink background with flowers and crap. They don't understand that I am evolving and will only get better. They think that Clumps of Mascara is just a website. They don't understand that it is also a business and that my blog is also my resume. They don't get it.

"He only sees me for who I am."

God is speaking to me. It's hard to stay quiet. I feel like screaming about how wonderful God's grace and mercy is. People say they aren't "religious". They don't get in that "praising God/Allah/Jah/Jehovah" stuff in public.

"He saw the best in me when everyone else around could only see the worst in me."

Hey World, for real....watch this....

Vision boards and checklists...

It feels strange not stressing over that job. It literally took over my life last week. Which taught me some things. I really need to learn how to go for something, pray and move on.

Easier said than done, right?

But business-wise I am right on track.

Turned my blog into a business? CHECK
Got my own logo? CHECK
Re-designed my blog? CHECK
Social network rebranding? CHECK

Those were three huge duties on my to-do-list that I procrastinated on forever. And look....they got done in a matter of months. I'm proud.

Media Kit is next. Execumama, where you at?

I did a vision board a few nights ago. Wait until you see this....

The good kind of rejection...

Well....I didn't get the job. I found out while sitting in my car jammin' to Joe. He's got this new album and it's all smooth and sexy. Which is exactly how I feel in my car. It's super black with dark tint, decent speakers and has bucket seats....*sigh*....my car is so worth that car note. And to think months ago I was whining about buying a car. I'm such a wimp.

But anyway....I was sittin' in Chick-Fil-A's drive thru. I was craving some fruit and they sell yummy fresh fruit cups. And then I got the text. I really didn't want to cry. My feelings were hurt. I really wanted that job. It would have been perfect. I thought it was for me.

And then I felt guilty for crying about it. It felt immature and ungrateful. I've been so blessed and now that I don't get what I want, I cry about it? That's one punk move, yo.

And then I called my Mom. She told me to not worry about it. There was something else for me. That I should send prayers to the person that did get the job. She said I'm already doing a lot--and she's proud. "You can't have everything. Give someone else a chance."

She's right. A lot of times I wake up with the idea of wanting to shine and be the best. I want to give and be successful. But it takes time. Not getting that job put me in my place. In the end, it was kinda good that I didn't get it. I can't have EVERY great opportunity that comes my way. And many do. I've been humbled and now I'm back to being my non-anxious about a job self. Back to focus on 5K training and my Haiti relief event and Clumps' make over and my media kit and resume and my hair and my daily devotion. Back to the basics.


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