We hit a grassy spot by a retention pond. I love that spot. Every time I run outside, I make sure to stop there. I meditate and enjoy nature. He told me he loved living in Orlando. But he still wants to move around. Um, me too! He loves his parents. He loves sports. He enjoys hanging out with his friends but spends a lot of time alone.
He looked at his watch and jumped up suddenly.
"Opps," he says. "I have to go. Although I'd love to sit here with you all day."
I swoon. But only slightly. No need to get all geeked up over a man I just met.
"Besides," he says as he brushes grass off of his shirt. "My wife is probably wondering where I am."
I chuckle. Not out of shock though.
"So you're married," I say. "Why even spend your time talking with me if you have a wife at home?"
"Would you have talked to me had you known I was married?" he said.
-3 second pause-
"Exactly," he said. "Sometimes it's good to be in the company of another woman that's not your wife...while engaging in normal conversation. I would never cheat on my wife but I miss talking with beautiful women such as yourself."
He winked at me and jogged off.
Eff my life. This always happens. Moments like this make my heart grow colder. It's like some sick joke that love plays on me. This has been the case most of my life and frankly, I'm annoyed by it.
So I asked God to take away that desire until I can use it. Seriously. I want to admire men from afar but be completely unattached physically and emotionally. I don't want to turn away from love in general because I love love. I love my family and my friends. I love supporting others. I love making people happy. So not being able to love would be the death of me.
But loving a man at this point in my life ain't meant for me. Nor do I want it to be.