Haiti, mwen renmen ou

Since my studies in college, my heart has always gone out to Haiti. Part of that came from a great deal of my friends being Haitian. And then I learned about Haiti's history. And Haiti's current position. I learned that it was one of the poorest country's in the World.

The latter didn't come as a shock. The entire continent of Africa is continuously stripped of its resources leaving the people poorer than poor. And not just Africa. Parts of India and....

I'm getting off topic. What I mean is, my heart is broken. Why did this have to happen to Haiti of all places? I just...I don't know what to say. Makes all of the things I want seem so unimportant.

They say things happen for a reason. That sometimes devastation happens because God wants mankind to help each other. I don't see how this makes sense in this case considering no one really helped Haiti to begin with.

I'm sounding really ignorant right now but that's only because I'm upset. Not to justify ignorance but....yeah.

I've been doing a lot of devotional reading lately. I spend a good 15 minutes a night praying and talking to God. It has been so soul cleansing. Tonight after my reading I'm going to pray for Haiti. And I'm going to pray for my selfishness. How silly of me to be worried about a 3rd job when some don't have 1. How unfair of me to worry about traveling to Europe this summer when others don't even know how they are going to eat tomorrow. I know I shouldn't stop living because of the world's issues but I don't feel right when I'm "living it up" and my closest friends have just lost loved ones. Just a few days ago I wrote a check in church to a family who lost everything in a house fire. Everything. I hope my $25 can do something.

Yesterday I got an email from a Clumps reader. She was telling me how Clumps brought her joy during a tough time. When readers send me emails like this I always tell them that their support is what keeps me going.

I don't know what this has to do with Haiti. I guess what I'm saying is I think one of my callings is to help and inspire. But with that comes a lot of guilt when I can't help everyone.

I don't know. Haiti mwen renmen ou.

Mentorin' breezes...

I have mentors. A lot of them, actually. Some of them I've never even met in person. Some of them don't even know that they are my mentors. All of them are older than me. I love being able to "LOOK UP" to someone. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I was the oldest of 4 girls but was always desirous having someone to look up to.

My mentors mean the world to me. They are such inspirations. They are motivators and fighters. I see what they do and instead of becoming jealous or envious, I stare in amazement. And I think to myself,

"If they can do this....so can I."

My mentors make me forget that I'm "only 24".

Back in the day I could throw one hell of a pity party. I'd invite my best friends too; Diana Depression and Flow McTears. A Defeatist Attitude always catered these parties. Can't have a pity party without this joka. But something happened and the parties stopped. A Defeatist Attitude would come knocking on my door but I wouldn't answer.

I thank my mentors for this. When you surround yourself around movers and shakers, it's hard to stay down. When the people to your left and right are not only successful, but happy and giving, it makes you strive to do and be the same. I can't even imagine trying to tackle this thing called "life" without the advice of someone who has done it. Seen it. Tried it. Failed. Succeeded.

Why are people my age so proud? Why are we so quick to call ourselves "grown"? Like we know what the hell we're doing. Grown? Are you kidding me? I don't even know if I'm grown yet. I still feel lost. Like I'm roaming in a forest. The sun is shinning and despite being completely lost, I'm enjoying the view. I don't know where the next turn will take me. It could be a bubbling brook of cool water up ahead. Or it could be a pit full of snakes. I never really know. And this is where my mentors come in. They are that cool breeze when the sun is beaming on my neck. I'm so grateful for it. It prevents me from passing out. It gives me that extra boost of energy I need to keep moving.

Mentors are great. Get you one. Or two. Or ten.




(photo source)